The Long Wait is Over

Man, it's been a long week. I was just too tired to update for a while, but I believe that the only way that Sheik supporters can stop thinking about some psycho killing his wife and kids is NOT to kill their wife and kids. Well, that's just one way. Another way would be to laugh again. I don't provide the laughs, but I provide unmeaningful content that are enjoyed by children, adults, philosophers, shut-ins, psychologists, cokeheads, pornographers, amateur film critics and overall lowlifes everywhere. I'm pretty comfortable saying that.



Sheik steals the show as usual. I was at this thing and it was kinda boring other than Sheik yelling at the top of his lungs. And him deciding to take a break to go into some closed room and smoke a cigarette while drinking a Budweiser. It was nice to know that he's really the same guy on the videos. You know how when people meet their heroes and they're complete assholes? I'm glad to say that Sheiky Baby can never disappoint, unless it's revealed that he's really a lobbyist for those animal rights assholes. Then I'd really get mad. I will eat my fucking chicken and no fucking twat with armpit hair is going to stop me from doing that.

Unless I get a free bag of these out of it.



It's getting kinda late, but I'd like to say that the Iron Sheik is a man that persevered through the struggles of poverty, illiteracy, alcoholism, drug addiction and a healthy love of Snickers bars. He didn't kill his wife and kid when times got tough, but instead took to ranting loud and proud about different wrestlers, whether inspired by jealousy, hatred or waxing poetic about the good times doing medicine-a-to-the-z. People are gonna look down on him, and for some reasons, rightfully so, but he has lived a hell of a life and I will continue to celebrate it, even if it alienates you, the reader. Why? Because I intend on entertaining myself and this is my way of doing it.

Thanks for reading!

Chris Benoit

He did some fucked up shit. Back later.

The Bangles Were The Shit

Sheik doesn't seem to be too upset about the press that he got, but he does seem somewhat ashamed about all the medicine that he had in the car when he got stopped in NJ with Hacksaw Jim Duggan. You can't drink and drive in New Jersey, according to our number one ambassador of all things Iranian.



Darth Vader and the Stormtroopers came to meet the Iron Sheik! An amazing encounter that surprisingly did not end with Sheik ranting about training with Gholamreza Takhti or saving Farah Pahlavi from Islamic revolutionaries. Just a quick meet-and-greet-but-don't-forget-to-hold-mah-belt. Sounds perfectly fine. I didn't know those Star Wars niggas watched professional wrestling. Maybe they don't, but it's entirely possible that they have access to Youtube on fuckin' Mars or wherever they're from. No, I am not a Star Wars buff, but I remember the episode where Larry tried to kick Balki out of the Chicago Chronicle.

Burqas, Broads and Blacks

This black brother decides that the world needs to hear him do an Iron Sheik impersonation. Does he realize that he has disgraced the Iranian people with his piss-poor version of our favorite speaker of Farsi? Probably not. But he can definitely use this to hook up with females that also like watching Iron Sheik videos. Is there an actual market? Like maybe a relationship website based on Iron Sheik going crazy and the various videos bringing together men and women, young and old. Romance over discussing just how great opening-match wrestler Khosrow Vaziri did as a babyface working for Verne Gagne's AAU doesn't seem too implausible. (Okay, maybe it does.)

On a scale of 1-10 as far as impersonations go, I give this maybe a 3, but I am giving a bonus because of the Miloni dude. Yeah, that wasn't so bad.



So we finally get to hear the awesome story of the Iron Sheik short-arming some ringrat of Marty Jannetty's and getting stretchered out of the hotel. Yeah, it's all good because he gave her different kinds of medicine: painkillers, cocaine and beer, but she refused to do the job. How dare she refuse to put our beloved hero during his time of sexual need! I actually think that second sentence will upset a feminist or someone who takes the internet too seriously. Yeah, let's see if Gloria Allred decides to e-mail me at a frivolous pace. I'd actually welcome it so I can repost them here and have a good laugh.



Honestly, I do believe that the usage of the short-arm-clothesline on some poor rat was unnecessary. Couldn't he have gotten his own whore to snort, shoot and fuck on his own? I'd doubt he'd actually have done it to a burqa-wearing Iranian women. Everytime I pass by one of them, I feel that black bedsheet that they wear over their head is some amazing forcefield that will just get weird glances from weirded-out people like myself. Considering that he wants to have sex with Rosie O'Donnell, I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't short-arm-clothesline her, either. However, there's reason to believe that he would leg-dive that lesbian if she refused his sexual advances.

Sheik tackles Backlund

First off, big thanks to Mr. Joe Gagne for having me come on his internet radio show for the millionth time. Go to www.joeversustheworld.com and check out ALL the archives.



Sheiky Baba likes old Bob, but thinks that he went nuts after losing the title. I don't know what is worse: going nuts after losing your title or going nuts due to drug abuse. Make up your own minds, folks. Even still, there's still that mutual respect since Bob was an accomplished amateur wrestler (1971 NCAA Division II Wrestling Champion at 191 pounds!).

And even if Bob refuses Vince's HOF offer, he'll be apart of this:

There is a demand.

A nice rant about that freak, Andre the Giant. He was impressive, but not as much as Alexander Medved. Sheik just hates this dude for being unprofessional with him in the ring.







I love it when this guy says "essport" instead of "sport". Yeah, it would've been entertaining if Fuji and him would've beat Stossel's ass along with his "medicine man" David Schulz.



Sheik always shifts his feelings about Hogan. On many of his shoots and random interviews, he seems really bitter towards him. But in a few, he actually has nice things to say. It's definitely kinda strange, especially knowing that a month or so ago, the two actually took pictures together and had a friendly conversation. At least Hogan didn't sell out Sheik for two dollahs.

New Happenings

Man, I'm definitely looking forward to continuing with the blog now. The idea of an actual Sheik talk show on Raw has suddenly become the most important thing on my mind as far as must-see television. I'd like for The Office to come back soon, but this is perfect! Yes, I am very excited. Not only for whatever goes down, but the popularity of future Youtube clips of the Sheik. Like even if WWE ended up taking down most of his clips, there will always be more. It's too bad that newer and younger fans like myself didn't get to appreciate Fred Blassie. There's this one clip of him and Blassie cutting a great promo and it's got iranian clubs and everything, but apparently that got taken down. Youtube, don't fail us.




Nikolai being Sheik's favorite partner, but his Jewish tendencies rubbed him the wrong way. I've listened to a lot of interviews at work where people are asked about wrestling these two guys; most are pretty favorable, though I believe Dynamite Kid wrote in his book that wrestling them was "embarassing". I wonder where Bull Ramos ranks on his list of favorite partners.



Thanks to Slam! Sports for the Ramos pic.

A Good Monday To Bullshit About Sheiky

These taste good! I don't know the brands, but I learned that sambuca is sticky but nice while watching a crappy movie. Or a mediocre movie that is awesome like Team America. And Disaronno ain't bad either, although it was recommended that I mix it with something else, but fuck that shit. I need to clean these out eventually.



See, this is what I've learned to re-appreciate about wrestling: the riling of crowds. American kids care about cool moves that they can do to their friends on the concrete "playgrounds" in their inner city. But we love to hate people. Especially foreigners. I was conflicted as a kid; like, should I really be hating Sheik? He greeted me with Islamic greetings that my family would also use! Could I really hate another brother? I could always hate Nikolai, though. That anthem, man. Fuck him. I appreciate the anger that their characters riled up. It impresses me more than the actual wrestling.

Like all these smart marks love Benoit. Hey, I love him, too. But it wasn't just politics that didn't make him a star in America. It was a lack of a reason to hate him or love him. The moves, the psychology, the bumps were all there. But the public will attach themselves emotionally to those that are larger than life or represent something that means something. Sheik and Volkoff represented the Ayatollah and those Communist fuckers. They gave the people a great reason to buy a ticket and boo them out of the building.

It's a shame that Benoit could not muster those kind of emotions during his peak as a performer. It's something that both he and the people booking him are responsible for when people look back on his career.



Ahahahaha Nikolai is a cheap Jew crying over the loss of his spoon. Just tremendous. I wish they'd make a sitcom starring these two guys. "The Odd Couple" Part 2 would be something that I'd watch over any episode of "Hogan Knows Best".

I'm lazy. Back in a couple days. Going to see Mets vs. Twins tomorrow.

Boy, I hate do-overs

Posting at another computer did not help! My amazing commentary was lost! Let's try this again, but FIRST...



She was fucking awesome. Best woman in wrestling ever. I wonder what Moolah's legacy is gonna be when she dies?



This was pretty unfunny. Like, dude, if you're gonna do your own funny rendition while piggybacking off of the awesomeness of Sheik, at least be a little creative. Is that a little hard to ask for these days???



Sheik was in Syracuse! Did he make it up to Parish, Coloss or Pulaski? I would doubt it, but he might have gone down to the Southside in order to score some medicine. It's all good. I love the Mid City Gym tee shirt. Much love to Bruno, Backlund, but not to that jabronie Hulk Hogan.



Did Sheik really need a second around this time? Even though he wasn't main eventing, his ability to promo really did improve since his first WWF run where all he'd say was "BALA BALA BALA". This match didn't kill Sheik's career or anything; who knew that so many people would pop for a small package? I'd rather have seen Sheik vs. Morales, but whatever.

MORE MORE MORE

But first, what an ending to Raw. RIP Vince????

Sheik hates Brian Blair. We all know this.

Allegations that Ultimate Warrior was a gay prostitute, which did appear in the National Enquirer. He was like Pat Patterson! He still couldn't do the Iranian club routine, which seems rather sad in retrospect.

I like how Sheik feels sad about Chris Candido's death, yet brags that Sunny wanted to have sex with him. Sunny has said that she fucked both Shawn Michaels and Davey Boy Smith so, since he's a shooter, man, and "Kentucky Derby", could it be hard to believe that she also wanted an Iranian club up her twat?

A Bonanza

Well, not this kind, but to celebrate the Iron Sheik's appearance on Raw in many, many years, I gotta comment on many videos today. Or actually tonight. YES. I do believe his last time on Raw was with managing the Sultan, but I did see him on the Pillman tribute Raw.

Yeah, Sheik hates Jimmy Hart. He doesn't like stooges, as Hart has always had a very close relationship with Lawler...and possibly Nick Gulas? The spitting is tremendous, as well as Sheik's need to say "no comment" before giving a short rant. That's always great.



It's definitely really fucked up that Sheik only got a bump for the three grams of cocaine that he carried over the border for Jake the Snake. That's a huge risk for someone going through citizenship issues along with dealing with the stress of not seeing his family for years. Like, damn, Sheik, what were you thinking, man? But I still believe that he should've gotten half considering that he could have gotten deported.

Sheik's got a lot of pride. The money is not an issue for him. Hitting Brian Blair where it hurts with the disses in regards to his divorce and child support. That was some low shit, haha. He should've fucked his ass and made him humble, but he was lucky, punk!

Chris Jericho is a fucking jabronie for disrespecting the Iron Sheik for calling himself Ayatollah. The philosophical debate as to where he stands in comparison to Khomeini seems to be something that will be endless. What fatwas against overhyped authors has Jericho put out, by the way?

PEACE.

Sheik Hates Adnan

Can anyone really get angry at him? Reading the youtube comments are a little disturbing. Sheik came to America at around 27 or 28 years old. Do people think he'd be an open-minded person about Iraqis that were killing people from his town, village and country? I really can't fault him for feeling this way, but it's kinda sad. Oh, Sheik hates the Mustafa gimmick and is happy that Bush went to Iraq to get Saddam.

I know that the man is set in his ways, but I wonder if somebody like Arnold Skaaland could've gathered the wrestlers to make their own version of "We Are The World"? A Sheik/Kaissey duet with a great Kamala solo would have been nice. Instead, we are left with angry wrestlers spouting off promos on Youtube. Hey, that's life.

Or whatever.

Apologies and Reviews!

I'd like to first apologize for not doing an update for the zero people that puruse this, but if you do, then, uh, yeah, sorry. I decided to do other things like eat dinner and watch shitty ECW. I know that's not a valid excuse, but this blog is not about validity, sorry.

So because I am feeling sad (or just fucking weird), I'm gonna comment on two videos. Why? Because this is a labor of love. Or just a labor. I don't get paid for this, but I am paying the price. The price of seeing Sheiky Baby's phrases dance through my brain during random and awkward moments.



The Iron Sheik bitches more about Hulk Hogan and how he loves the crack. And also that he was involved with Mr. Pat Patterson. But in what way was he involved with Patterson? Maybe they had investments? Maybe they had a secret poker game with Barry O, Barry Windham and Barry Horowitz??? Dan Mirade seems rather composed throughout all of this ranting. Sheik seems really bitter about not getting a long reign, but at least he got to defend his belt against Tito Santana. Even if Tito was "better than nothing".



Sheik rants on Andre here! He says he has no respect for that big man. I've heard that Andre used to really rough up Sheik in the ring. Like unprofessionally. Who really knows why? The claim that Andre was mean to his fans when he was a babyface might be something that needs to be looked into on andrethegiantyoutubereview.blogspot.com, which may not exist. However, the claim that he gives his autographs for free may be debatable. I bought some autographs from our favorite short-term WWF heavyweight champion of the world for $20. I probably should have invoked the MWF Dan Miloni Shoot Discount, but who knows if that would have been enough. I did see him give a free glossy to a disabled individual, so I don't doubt that he can be a good dude.

SHEIKY VALUE: This was all great. Your grandchildren will remember this. Maybe not your wife, though.

Sheik Rants About Wendi Richter

Honestly, I am not in the mood to do this but I like keeping my brain busy and, unfortunately, this is the only way that I can keep that feeble thing working. Sheiky Baby tells all about Miss Richter, who liked everything about Sheik except for, well, actually desiring getting into the underpants of our favorite Shiite Muslim. Props to Manican2000 for another great clip!

SHEIKY VALUE: This is one of the great things about the MWF shoot. All of his rants are classic and learned almost fundamentally by the slightly-more-than-casual Internet addict that isn't into furries, assplay or debating the effortless problem-solving of the pythagorean theorem.

Iron Sheik's Thoughts on Hulk Hogan

This is from that infamous MWF shoot interview that he did with Dan Mirade. It's interesting that Sheik held not getting a call to come to WCW against Hogan. According to Jim Cornette, Sheik's contract rolled over for another year because the lawyers just forgot about him or something. He didn't have to wrestle for much of that period because he was apparently a really bad jobber, according to Cornette. Maybe Sheik was looked at as washed up by the time Hogan came in. Hey, at least he got that managerial run with the Sultan.

SHEIKY VALUE: This was okay, but he doesn't really go nuts here. He does not like Hulk very much, which leads to Sheik calling him a "fag". I can't complain about this. Neither should you!

Iron Sheik Will Break Your Back

This appearance was at some convention in NYC that I ended up going to on the day after this video. Nikolai seems to have taken the anger coming from Sheik in much stride, which is commendable! I think we can all come to terms with Sheik hating Brian Blair will continue on and on forever and ever.

SHEIKY VALUE: This was great. You really don't have to come to this blog. I am going to continue on this kick until there are no more Youtube videos, which I sincerely doubt.

Also, I need video of Sheik on Derek and Romaine. It sounds great!

Iron Sheik Rants and Raves About Nikolai's Penny-Pinching Ways

I like that someone decided to actually film the tape of Sheik's rants off the television because you can see what an amazing temper that the guy has, even when he's not talking about Brian Blair. I must say that I want Sheik's USA hoodie. Do you think I could buy it for $5...and will it reek of marijuana? Regardless, another classic Sheik moment as he rants and raves all about Nikolai being a cheap Jew jabronie with an obsession for the George Foreman gimmick.

SHEIKY VALUE: He's missing several teeth! The video quality is kinda lackluster, but that's what happens when people can't convert DVDs to video or whatever. I didn't know Nikolai was a Jew; I thought he was a Croatian. Regardless, these were good times when the various videos started popping up.


My commentary means nothing, but I insist on typing something.