The Camel Clutch

This move might be really awesome because Our Hero did it and other people [or as every black person seems to call them "niggas"] that also get respect like Gori Guerrero and the Original Sheik and the homie, Sgt. Slaughter.

But you've gotta face facts sometimes. Sheik even admitted it when made those threats against Brian Blair. I know it's hard to come to terms with this. Sleepless nights, huh? Unable to grasp the fact even after all these long and cruel months? Did you lack of hunger turn into a full-fledged protest? It's okay, but I understand. But let's get through the cold, hard facts.

The camel clutch is really fucking gay.

But it definitely looks like it hurts. Like, damn, you could really hurt someone's back doing it. Even if Sheik really did put Jim Brunzell in the clutch, I'm sure he's fantasized about Brian Blair and his ass as many times as he's said it on video. That definitely seems kinda scary.

Apparently, the Japanese have taken advantage of this rather uncomfortable position by flipping the script in almost-pornographic nature. Maybe they invented apartment wrestling, too. Maybe that's where legendary slant-eyed women like, um, that scary lady from GLOW who also did that one episode of Married with Children got trained. I don't know her name but I'm sure some creepy Asian-women-fighting enthusiast will tell me who she is in 17 months.

So I've decided to make a drawing in order for this blog's vastly wrestling-intelligent [and real-world-weary] audience to tell me who this is. Please, look at this with an open mind because I tried my best. Thanks!



Anyways, here's some Japanese women doing the camel clutch. Not Safe For Wife. And it is really strange, too.



When Gori Guerrero created this move, did he ever think that bikini-clad and no-ass-having psuedo-pornstars with unusually-positioned eyes would be performing it for the pleasure of dudes who like seeing women uncomfortably grab onto each other? I don't know, but I think he should have been given at least a quarter for everytime someone has performs it. Even if it's for creepy Japanese apartment wrestling aficionados.

I Hate Morons, I Love Wu-Tang

Great news! One link from a highly-read wrestling website brought, like, five times as many visitors over the span of the last few hours of Monday night than I usually get all day. I cried many tears of joy throughout the night, knowing full well that all my hard-work throughout the years trolling messageboards, frantically scribbling on my desk in High School Spanish and repeatedly playing Wu-Tang Clan's "Bring The Ruckus" while strolling into my Business Journalism finally paid off for me.



Regardless, it shows that there's at least some weird interest in this blog, so I can either gloat and eat myself to death like Marlon Brando or continue on my merry way and hopefully use this blog to fatten my wallet. Retiring early is a huge priority for me, so if you click on that little blue box on the bottom left hand corner a million times, I'll mail you my VHS copy of "The Best of Christopher Daniels in Japan". Or, better yet, my VHS copy of "SLC Punk". C'mon, you know you want to see Matthew Lillard's crowning achievement.



I'm still chargin' you for shipping and handling, damn it. I've already assured my future offspring that it will live in luxury.

Right, the Iron Sheik; the star of this blog. He wrestles Butch Reed here for probably Fritz Von Erich's World Class Championship Wrestling. It's the last 4 and a half minutes of wrestling, but it shows how really simple wrestling was back in the day. Now, every false finish has to include some ridiculous move that would have been a finisher 10 years ago.

The style back then seems to connect to the audience more than it does now. Of course, fans believed that it was real. But I think if you let fans see things in a slower pace, then it's more appreciated. That's why I'll never be a fan of these miniature Japanese men doing seventeen moves in two minutes. Or whatever these Ring of Honor dudes are doing these days.

Yeah, I know I'm just talking out of my ass here, but all I know is the wrestling I grew up with really makes today's wrestling look like crap. My old man rant is over and you can all think that I'm a dinosaur now. Just know that "Dinosaurs" was one of my favorite shows before you stare lovingly at that Harry Potter poster taped on your bedroom ceiling, jackass.

Burqas, Broads and Blacks

This black brother decides that the world needs to hear him do an Iron Sheik impersonation. Does he realize that he has disgraced the Iranian people with his piss-poor version of our favorite speaker of Farsi? Probably not. But he can definitely use this to hook up with females that also like watching Iron Sheik videos. Is there an actual market? Like maybe a relationship website based on Iron Sheik going crazy and the various videos bringing together men and women, young and old. Romance over discussing just how great opening-match wrestler Khosrow Vaziri did as a babyface working for Verne Gagne's AAU doesn't seem too implausible. (Okay, maybe it does.)

On a scale of 1-10 as far as impersonations go, I give this maybe a 3, but I am giving a bonus because of the Miloni dude. Yeah, that wasn't so bad.



So we finally get to hear the awesome story of the Iron Sheik short-arming some ringrat of Marty Jannetty's and getting stretchered out of the hotel. Yeah, it's all good because he gave her different kinds of medicine: painkillers, cocaine and beer, but she refused to do the job. How dare she refuse to put our beloved hero during his time of sexual need! I actually think that second sentence will upset a feminist or someone who takes the internet too seriously. Yeah, let's see if Gloria Allred decides to e-mail me at a frivolous pace. I'd actually welcome it so I can repost them here and have a good laugh.



Honestly, I do believe that the usage of the short-arm-clothesline on some poor rat was unnecessary. Couldn't he have gotten his own whore to snort, shoot and fuck on his own? I'd doubt he'd actually have done it to a burqa-wearing Iranian women. Everytime I pass by one of them, I feel that black bedsheet that they wear over their head is some amazing forcefield that will just get weird glances from weirded-out people like myself. Considering that he wants to have sex with Rosie O'Donnell, I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't short-arm-clothesline her, either. However, there's reason to believe that he would leg-dive that lesbian if she refused his sexual advances.