Saturday, January 26, 2008

FREE AT LAST: We celebrate COLONEL MUSTAFA

...and I'm back after 2 months of solitary confinement. Yes, folks, it's been a rough few months. Unfortunately, I was arrested for some bullshit ass charges relating to my involvement with some organization that can not and will not be named. While I did not have that Jew jabronie, Eric Simms, on my side, I was able to force the courts to sympathize with my situation and lead to my eventual release, which is good for you and great for the American people who read the greatest blog on the Internet (fuck a Matt Ufford), the IRON SHEIK YOUTUBE REVIEW, faggots.

Some of you young children might not know that Khosrow Vaziri wasn't always playing the role of the Iron Sheik. He played something just as dastardly, but during a time when I was a little brown kid running through the streets. Yes, he was Colonel Mustafa. Fortunately, we're gonna review the RISE and FALL of the Iron Sheik.

THE RISE

Here's Sheik's redebut on television after he was fired for getting caught snorting coke with Duggan.



I LOVE THIS. Slaughter had so much heat on him as a heel. Fans legitimately booing this former patriot as he stood next to a pretty good Saddam impersonator in General Adnan. And then, Slaughter brings out Mustafa. Mustafa beats some jabronie, but not before kicking him with the boot and pulling off one of those great suplexes before fucking the guy's ass and making him humble. He humbled the jobber so much that he ended up falling on top of him. There's a creepy gay man who's probably putting this on some creepy jobber compilation to sell to the Feinsteins of the world.

So yeah, after all this hype, we had this tremendous match at Summerslam. It was called "Match Made In Hell" featuring the main event of Slaughter/Mustafa and Adnan vs. Hulk/Warrior with Sid as the referee. Now, this set the stage for lots of excitement including this outrageous promo from our "heroes":



And the other side was just as prepared. Sheiky Baby faces a jobber here and pulled off the gutwrench suplex and that scary looking german suplex while the announcers talk about the Match Made in Heaven. I love these slow buildups to pay-per-views.



Apparently, there was a lot of backstage drama concerning this match. Dave Meltzer says the way that the whole Warrior saga where he wasn't gonna wrestle that night didn't go down like this video says. All I know is I hated the ending to the Randy Savage match in it.



I just get my jollies with all of this stuff regarding Sheik breaking that faggot Warrior's leg. This is totally great and I wish it would have happened. But it didn't. At least I got to see this awesome match. I don't care how many faggots talk about Steamboat and Flair, the crowd here loves every second of it.







Sheik does a cool suplex on Hogan at one point during the match, but it looks like he'll be most remembered for running away from Warrior and his stupid chair. Oh well.




Sheiky Baba was even a CAPTAIN on a Survivor Series. Being a Survivor Series captain is awesome. Barry Horowitz was a captain for the Underdogs. Regardless, if there's one other thing I love about the Series, it's the midcard heel teams. And Team Mustafa has a great group of guys: The Berzerker! Hercules! Skinner! And managed by that Iraqi son of a bitch, General Adnan. And he goes against a team captained by a guy that he shared some coke with, Hacksaw Jim Duggan. A Team Duggan/Team Sheik feud should've been promoted better than this shit. An angle that spun out of the negative incident would've been great - with both men accusing the other of being the real cokehead.

Kerry Von Erich looked weird. First, he almost slipped on the apron when coming in the ring. Maybe he had the fake foot on then. Or was it just a sock? Who knows. I really think this was the best of fucking Berzerker John Nord ever. Dude was taking backdrops and just looking and wrestling like a madman. I also love Tito Santana. Sheik wasn't in the ring a whole lot, but he ended up taking a crotch falling on the knee move and getting pinned. The crowd was really into Duggan. No one cared about Skinner ever.

THE FALL

After so much success in 1991, things took a turn for the worst in 1992. Sheik was relegated to jobber duty once his feud with Slaughter faded away. He did like a zillion jobs to Slaughter and an up-and-coming Chris Chavis, according to The History of the WWF. I love the internet, since too many people cover either the highs or the lows of a particular character. Since Sheik doesn't like to talk about the downside of his run at all, the internet becomes a great friend to all of us.



Surprisingly, this WASN'T the end of Colonel Mustafa's run with the WWF. Even though he loses in like a minute to the Undertaker below, the man sticks around a bit longer!



Well, this was a fun little match to watch. Sheik and the BROWN HAIRED Dino Bravo went up against the Road Warriors. The Warriors give a fun little promo with Hawk impressing just about everybody with his verbiage. Hawk really seems like a bright guy and was always such a great talker. Where are guys like Hawk that can make wrestling fun? Everyone is either a mute cruiserweight or a jacked-up monster who speaks monotonously. Cena can't touch Hawk on the mic.

Anyways, Sheik does his usual speech and proudly declares that he has similar feelings for England as he does for the United States. It's enough to get the crowd riled up. Honestly, what the fuck can Bravo say that could make people pissed? No one anywhere really gives a fuck about Canada, especially Quebec. Sorry, Canadians! At least you have hockey!

A lot of the LOD being fucking badass with Animal showing up both Sheiky and Bravo. I should stick to calling him Mustafa, but fuck that. He was always Sheiky Baby. Anyways, Sheik gives Hawk some of his cool offense. And too much Bravo for my liking, but I dig the brown haired look. Sheik even takes a top rope clothesline from Hawk for the finish. No way is Animal gonna lift Our Hero up for the Doomsday Device. Maybe Animal is a closet-Sheiky fan and watches the Bootcamp Match every day that he's alive. Or maybe Sheiky dangled copious amounts of cocaine in front of Hawk and Animal and begged that he not be lifted up for the Device. Hey, never underestimate the power of medicine.


SHEIK LOOKS BACK




Skip to the end and hear Sheik talk about being happy that he got his third run in WWF as Colonel Mustafa. He proud of being part of a MSG sellout, which he says doesn't happen as much these days. And he liked being a heel and that it was a good run. He says a lot of other shit, but I am too lazy to bring it up right now. Oh, he talks about Harley Race almost switching piss with him but that fucking Australian stooge Tony Garea and former champion Nick Bockwinkel were in the room to make sure neither guy could switch it, which led to Sheik's firing before the Mustafa run.



Sheik here talks about why he hates Sheik Adnan and Saddam Hussein. It seems here that he hates the Mustafa gimmick and even though he had a good run, he still can't justify actually playing an Iraqi. He loves Bush for attacking Iraq in this clip. And he talks about being on the road in 1992 to be a negative experience because of all the sex scandals going on. And apparently, he believes that Mel Phillips and Terry Garvin did fuck those ring crew guys. Poor kids.

I guess it was good to see him again, but it was still kinda strange not seeing him in all of his ethnic garb.

2 comments:

Unemployed Journalist said...

This man should be writing for a living, not cleaning up the horseshit writing of others.

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