You Asked For It: ERIC SIMMS HAS FINALLY ANSWERED!

I have been these last few months with smoking weed and drinking beers and watching terrible Mets baseball, but I have finally accomplished something and that is interview the man, the myth, the legend ERIC SIMMS of ESS PROMOTIONS - the home of Our Hero, the Iron Sheik! You can see Eric on all kinds of videos with Sheik on Youtube as well as the DVD below this paragraph. Hope you like the interview and if you wanted to ask Eric something else, then hit a nigga up with a question at iron.sheik.youtube.review@gmail.com and I might get another interview in a few months.




1. What are your first memories of watching wrestling?
I started watching wrestling back in 1977. A friend of mine in the 4th grade told me about WWWF wrestling on Saturday nights at midnight on channel 9. That is based in the NY market for anyone reading this from around the country.

2. How did you know that you wanted to be a part of the wrestling business?
From the minute I started watching, I was hooked. My dad used to take me to the local WWWF shows in my area. Those were local high school shows. On special occasions my dad took me to MSG to see live wrestling. I remember seeing Hulk Hogan VS Andre the Giant and Bob Backlund VS Harley Race from 1981. I remember telling myself that I want to be apart of the business and in late 1985 early 1986 I broke into the business. Balls Mahoney and Chris Candido helped to break me into the business. We were just young kids. I was the oldest of the bunch. Looking back on it now all of us made it in the business. Both Balls and Chris lived there dream with ECW and WWE. I was never a wrestler but I made it working behind the scenes. One of the toughest days in my wrestling life was when Chris passed away. He was such a great talent.

3. One reader wanted to know if you were really a truck driver in your past life.
In my current life I am a truck driver and have a CDL.

4. When did your relationship with Sheik begin and did you ever see yourself being part of the Sheik's comeback for these last couple years?
I met the Sheik some 20 years back. I remember working on a show with him back in 1988. We met and that started a 20 year friendship. Sheik was very protective of the business for many years and used to kayfabe everyone and everything. At one convention that we were at in Long Island I told him not to hold back anymore and just shoot during the Q & A session. Once he did that I knew we struck gold.

5. We've never gotten to see much of Sheik's life away from the wrestling business. How is he as a person when the camera is turned off?
Sheik is Sheik 24/7. In actuality he is a good man with a great heart.


6. How has the relationship been with RF Video? Do you like what they've produced for you and Sheik? How do you feel about the filming of Sheik's infamous call to a gimmick man named Anthony being played and replayed on the internet forever?

I have known RF for close to 20 years. Both of us were the original vendors back in the day and have paved the way for today's crop of vendors. RF produces some great shoot videos and has done good business for many years. The DVD's Rob has done with us have become legendary. It was my idea to have the camera rolling for the infamous medicine call. Anthony used to help me out at the shows when I was vending. He loves to party with the Sheik. For that reason I had to cut him off. The medicine call was a shoot but done for entertainment purposes so RF could sell this shoot tape.

7. Who is actually a part of ESS Promotions? Surely, there's another individual behind the scenes that helps out, right?

I am the sole proprietor of ESS Promotions. I get advice from people but it is all me. I am at the point that I need to hire sales and marketing people so I can expand in the market place.

8. What do you hope for ESS Promotions to accomplish in the next few years with the Sheik? Are you concerned that his legendary health problems may eventually jeopardize your company's future?

I hope to expand and take a bigger piece of the market place. Sheik is very hot right now and we are in talks with people that want to do some major projects with us. Sheik's health is always a concern. He behaves himself when he is with me. When he is not with me, he gets himself in trouble. The key to the Sheik is to get him from point A to B and back to A with out C and D getting involved. C & D I call the distractions. Once he is distracted your finished. I keep implementing different safe guards as his behavior warrants.

9. What are your thoughts on Frank Goodman talking about some kind of disagreement over the booking of Honky Tonk Man for a UXW show in 2007?

I would rather not comment on this.

10. What's Sheik doing since he was unfortunately suspended for the Killers of Comedy tour?

Between now and the end of the summer Sheik is going to miss 3 Killers shows. In the absence of those shows I have gotten him booked elsewhere. While he misses touring with the Killers he is not losing out on anything as I am keeping him busy.

11. Is the infamous "ESS plug" more annoying than those freecreditreport.com jingles?

In order to make it in the business you have to be different than everyone else. I am not an in ring performer. I work behind the scenes. I have a need for people to know who I am and remember me. You can not be successful if no one knows who you are. I recently came up with some catch phrases. I try to rhyme everything with ESS. It sort of gets ingrained in you. Many people are using my catch phrases for there own need. Is it annoying? Perhaps, but everyone is saying it. I am becoming synonymous for it. And remember " ITS NOT BS....."

FREE AT LAST: We celebrate COLONEL MUSTAFA

...and I'm back after 2 months of solitary confinement. Yes, folks, it's been a rough few months. Unfortunately, I was arrested for some bullshit ass charges relating to my involvement with some organization that can not and will not be named. While I did not have that Jew jabronie, Eric Simms, on my side, I was able to force the courts to sympathize with my situation and lead to my eventual release, which is good for you and great for the American people who read the greatest blog on the Internet (fuck a Matt Ufford), the IRON SHEIK YOUTUBE REVIEW, faggots.

Some of you young children might not know that Khosrow Vaziri wasn't always playing the role of the Iron Sheik. He played something just as dastardly, but during a time when I was a little brown kid running through the streets. Yes, he was Colonel Mustafa. Fortunately, we're gonna review the RISE and FALL of the Iron Sheik.

THE RISE

Here's Sheik's redebut on television after he was fired for getting caught snorting coke with Duggan.



I LOVE THIS. Slaughter had so much heat on him as a heel. Fans legitimately booing this former patriot as he stood next to a pretty good Saddam impersonator in General Adnan. And then, Slaughter brings out Mustafa. Mustafa beats some jabronie, but not before kicking him with the boot and pulling off one of those great suplexes before fucking the guy's ass and making him humble. He humbled the jobber so much that he ended up falling on top of him. There's a creepy gay man who's probably putting this on some creepy jobber compilation to sell to the Feinsteins of the world.

So yeah, after all this hype, we had this tremendous match at Summerslam. It was called "Match Made In Hell" featuring the main event of Slaughter/Mustafa and Adnan vs. Hulk/Warrior with Sid as the referee. Now, this set the stage for lots of excitement including this outrageous promo from our "heroes":



And the other side was just as prepared. Sheiky Baby faces a jobber here and pulled off the gutwrench suplex and that scary looking german suplex while the announcers talk about the Match Made in Heaven. I love these slow buildups to pay-per-views.

Col. Mustafa squash
Uploaded by TSteck160

Apparently, there was a lot of backstage drama concerning this match. Dave Meltzer says the way that the whole Warrior saga where he wasn't gonna wrestle that night didn't go down like this video says. All I know is I hated the ending to the Randy Savage match in it.



I just get my jollies with all of this stuff regarding Sheik breaking that faggot Warrior's leg. This is totally great and I wish it would have happened. But it didn't. At least I got to see this awesome match. I don't care how many faggots talk about Steamboat and Flair, the crowd here loves every second of it.







Sheik does a cool suplex on Hogan at one point during the match, but it looks like he'll be most remembered for running away from Warrior and his stupid chair. Oh well.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan's Team vs Col. Mustafa's Team
Uploaded by TSteck160

Sheiky Baba was even a CAPTAIN on a Survivor Series. Being a Survivor Series captain is awesome. Barry Horowitz was a captain for the Underdogs. Regardless, if there's one other thing I love about the Series, it's the midcard heel teams. And Team Mustafa has a great group of guys: The Berzerker! Hercules! Skinner! And managed by that Iraqi son of a bitch, General Adnan. And he goes against a team captained by a guy that he shared some coke with, Hacksaw Jim Duggan. A Team Duggan/Team Sheik feud should've been promoted better than this shit. An angle that spun out of the negative incident would've been great - with both men accusing the other of being the real cokehead.

Kerry Von Erich looked weird. First, he almost slipped on the apron when coming in the ring. Maybe he had the fake foot on then. Or was it just a sock? Who knows. I really think this was the best of fucking Berzerker John Nord ever. Dude was taking backdrops and just looking and wrestling like a madman. I also love Tito Santana. Sheik wasn't in the ring a whole lot, but he ended up taking a crotch falling on the knee move and getting pinned. The crowd was really into Duggan. No one cared about Skinner ever.

THE FALL

After so much success in 1991, things took a turn for the worst in 1992. Sheik was relegated to jobber duty once his feud with Slaughter faded away. He did like a zillion jobs to Slaughter and an up-and-coming Chris Chavis, according to The History of the WWF. I love the internet, since too many people cover either the highs or the lows of a particular character. Since Sheik doesn't like to talk about the downside of his run at all, the internet becomes a great friend to all of us.

The Undertaker vs Col. Mustafa
Uploaded by TSteck160

Surprisingly, this WASN'T the end of Colonel Mustafa's run with the WWF. Even though he loses in like a minute to the Undertaker below, the man sticks around a bit longer!

Legion of Doom vs Col. Mustafa & Dino Bravo
Uploaded by TSteck160

Well, this was a fun little match to watch. Sheik and the BROWN HAIRED Dino Bravo went up against the Road Warriors. The Warriors give a fun little promo with Hawk impressing just about everybody with his verbiage. Hawk really seems like a bright guy and was always such a great talker. Where are guys like Hawk that can make wrestling fun? Everyone is either a mute cruiserweight or a jacked-up monster who speaks monotonously. Cena can't touch Hawk on the mic.

Anyways, Sheik does his usual speech and proudly declares that he has similar feelings for England as he does for the United States. It's enough to get the crowd riled up. Honestly, what the fuck can Bravo say that could make people pissed? No one anywhere really gives a fuck about Canada, especially Quebec. Sorry, Canadians! At least you have hockey!

A lot of the LOD being fucking badass with Animal showing up both Sheiky and Bravo. I should stick to calling him Mustafa, but fuck that. He was always Sheiky Baby. Anyways, Sheik gives Hawk some of his cool offense. And too much Bravo for my liking, but I dig the brown haired look. Sheik even takes a top rope clothesline from Hawk for the finish. No way is Animal gonna lift Our Hero up for the Doomsday Device. Maybe Animal is a closet-Sheiky fan and watches the Bootcamp Match every day that he's alive. Or maybe Sheiky dangled copious amounts of cocaine in front of Hawk and Animal and begged that he not be lifted up for the Device. Hey, never underestimate the power of medicine.


SHEIK LOOKS BACK



Skip to the end and hear Sheik talk about being happy that he got his third run in WWF as Colonel Mustafa. He proud of being part of a MSG sellout, which he says doesn't happen as much these days. And he liked being a heel and that it was a good run. He says a lot of other shit, but I am too lazy to bring it up right now. Oh, he talks about Harley Race almost switching piss with him but that fucking Australian stooge Tony Garea and former champion Nick Bockwinkel were in the room to make sure neither guy could switch it, which led to Sheik's firing before the Mustafa run.



Sheik here talks about why he hates Sheik Adnan and Saddam Hussein. It seems here that he hates the Mustafa gimmick and even though he had a good run, he still can't justify actually playing an Iraqi. He loves Bush for attacking Iraq in this clip. And he talks about being on the road in 1992 to be a negative experience because of all the sex scandals going on. And apparently, he believes that Mel Phillips and Terry Garvin did fuck those ring crew guys. Poor kids.

I guess it was good to see him again, but it was still kinda strange not seeing him in all of his ethnic garb.

LOLLERSKATES

Fucking hilarious that the video for the new RF Faceoff with Sheik, Honky and New Jack has already been taken off Youtube. I can't wait for crafty Jew, Rob Feinstein, to start advertising this as THE VIDEO THAT YOUTUBE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE. What a retard for thinking that a video with a bunch of bare ass on it was going to stick around. Shit is borderline pornography and I wouldn't want my kid to see that shit. Man ass is fucking nasty and Feinstein's decision to show it in all its glory just emphasizes how fucking dense this dude really is.

I guess he isn't so crafty after all.

P.S. someone hook me up with a bootleg DVD anyway

Gay

Okay I will review this. Last night, I finally got to watch this video and there was a lot of ass on this. Man-ass. Not great. I think the worst was seeing Sheik drunkenly pull down his pants and boxers and moon the camera. I hope my ass doesn't look like that. Honky still ranting about Steamboat is kinda sad. Dude should really just move on. Maybe someone has to bring it up first, I don't know. Basically, New Jack, Sheik and Honky get really drunk and do things that may be regrettable. Someone get me a copy of this for free, please. Jack rocking the OJ jersey is tremendous. Someone hook me up with a Rae Carruth jersey, also.



Speaking of crazy people, Tracy Morgan goes insane on WGN's news. I think he hooked up with the white woman after the newscast was over with, but she might be a real prude. BILL CARTWRIGHT, HOLLA AT ME.

SOME SHIT I GOTTA SAY PLUS PART 3 OF THE SHEIK ON STERN

Hey, folks. I'm doing big things sitting at my desk in this glorified cubicle. If it means emailing suspecting people, looking at booty pictures when no one's around or listening to sports radio on the internet, please rest assured that I am doing all that I can to be as good at my job as anyone can possibly be at the kind of place that I work.



Props to Mani for putting this video up. It's from Adult Swim and the action figures are ready for action. Sheiky Baby apparently owns a convenience store and is selling fake passports, Playboys and beef jerky. I definitely agree that beef jerky is fucking awesome. Especially during a late Friday night.



Some faggot pranks Sheiky Baby by calling and pretending to be a news reporter asking for a word. All this while Ultimate Fighter is on the television. Also, he's some gay Brit or whatever, which makes this even more unappealing. I hate the way their voices sound. Their accents don't scare me, but mostly because I don't understand a word that they say. It appears Sheik is confused as well. Maybe he finds the prankster's accent even more offputting. In closing, I hate wrestling fans.

Oh shit. It's time for...PART 3 OF THE SHEIK ON HOWARD STERN!!!!!!

Sheik is talking about the embarassment of jerking off. Howard asks him if he can pay for his house. Sheik says he's behind, but the Killers of Comedy tour is helping him out. He says he's not rich, but he's also not poor, either. I plan on using the same excuse in 40 years when I've pissed all my money away. Sheik asserts that everybody thinks he is bad, including his jabronie agent. He says happy birthday to Eric Simms, but he says Eric tells everyone that he's a medicine man. Howard says that in the end, Sheik has to blame himself and accept responsibility.

Robin asks if it is a sin to drink or do drugs in his religion. He says he's not supposed to drink or eat pork, but he does now since he is in America and wants to be sociable. He agrees with Jews in that pigs are the dirtiest animal. He says that Jews eat lamb and sheep. Howard says Sheik got weak by doing drugs. Sheik seems hurt and says that he only did it to be sociable. "Macho Man" is on the phone and once Sheik is alerted, he already throws epithets around. Macho talks some shit about Sheik not fucking his wife, so Sheik tells him to go fuck himself and his wife. He is very angry here. Sheik threatened to show his ten inch cock, but he would not do it in front of Robin. Apparently, he was ready to pull his pants off.

A caller says that Howard is going to kill him and that Sheik is going to have a heart attack. He asks if they have any insurance. Sheik says he is in great shape. I don't know if that's true. Sheik rants about Macho Man not buying a hot dog for his wife.

PART TWO OF THE SHEIK ON HOWARD STERN

I have been busy with work so this was not as important. Thanks to everyone that came to this non-updated blog during the weeks that I was busy. I'll make it up to you when someone hooks me up with some free DVDs.
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How does Sheik prove that he's not a terrorist? Sheik says he's not Mohammad Atta and was born in Tehran, Iran and made it in Madison Square Garden. He says that he made it and he's an American citizen. He blames Osama Bin Laden, that son of a bitch, for his troubles, as well as the Muslims. He calls what happened at 9/11 a "cheap shot" and feels sorry for all of the people that died that day.

Howard has "Hulk Hogan" on the phone. "Hogan" says there's a difference between him and Sheik and that's that he puts meat in the seats and that Sheik is a JOBBER. He tells him to go suck "Nacho Man's" cock. Sheik goes temporarily berzerk. Sheik says that even if his religion gets mad at him, he says that he's gonna beat the fuck out of him and put his ten-inch cock in his ass. Sheik is breathing heavily. Very heavily. He says that he'll show Howard his cock later. This is mad homo.

Anyway, Howard desperately wants to change the subject, presumably because he doesn't want our Hero to have a heart attack, especially not on his show, so he asks about his marriage. Robin asks if his marriage was arranged. Sheik says no, he says that after he left Iran, and came to the University of Minnesota and married an American woman. He's a grandfather. Howard says that after Sheik lost $20,000 in 20 days on drugs. Sheik says he was making $10-15,000 a week so he used to use "a little hard" (crack) and "a little soft" (weed), but now he is broke and has a new job. He loves his new job, but swear to Jesus, he stopped. Howard asks if his wife doesn't love him anymore. Sheik says that without him, that jabronie would be nothing. Hahahaha, I love that he calls his own wife a jabronie. He says when he had money, she loved him, but she's a golddigger. He says honestly, he hasn't had sex with her in a couple years.

Sheik gets agitated with this subject. He knows he lost the face, 2 million dollars, but she asserts that she is a golddigger. Sheik admits that even though it is awkward, when his family comes over, everything is alright. He notes there are a lot of golddiggers in his country. Sheik says he can not fuck around while married. It's against his religion. He can't look in the mirror if he does that. Howard asks if he can get an erection. Of course, says our lovable deity. Howard asks if he jerks off if it is hard. Sheik claims he trains to avoid to fuck around. Howard doesn't believe it, which pisses Sheik off. Howard continues to ask the question if he jerks off. Sheik says yes, when he was younger before he was married, but not after getting married. Even though his wife doesn't fuck him, he seems to be pretty content with the situation. Sheik says that they talk and watch movies, but he is not begging for pussy. Those are his words, folks! He says that he got laid all over the world. He does miss sex, but it doesn't matter. He said that he got sex out of his system. Sheik ignores his hardons when he wakes up in the morning. He says that masturbating is embarassing because of his god, Jesus, is looking down at him.

PART 3 WILL BE SOON, I PROMISE.

PART 1 OF THE HOWARD STERN INTERVIEW OPUS

So basically I've been really lazy because I have a real job, girlfriend, family and those things come first before this blog. When work is slow, I can update this a million fucking times and I'm sure that when I'm a widowed almost-invalid, this blog will be the one thing that I can cling onto while aggressively fighting a move into a nursing home.

For now, I will give you, the people, PART ONE. In a few months, I will give you part 2. But for now, PART ONE. VIDEOS LATER.
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Yes, happy FUCKEN Halloween, people. I am dressed up as a stressed-out working brown guy who recaps all of Iron Sheik's many travails on the internet and beyond. Great life, isn't it? Anyways, I told you that I wouldn't let you down. I would provide YOU, the loyal fucking reader with the recap of Sheiky Baby's last appearance on Stern's show. It's not too much to ask of me.

Howard talks about the Sheik's new show on Sirius. Robin notes that she could hear Sheik screaming down the hall. Howard deems him "the world's favorite wrestler". The Sheik is in and Artie is doing impressions already. He's not even coked up. I love the Iranian music. Sheik is very excited about the show, but he may be a little too out of breath which is a theme of this episode. He is angry at Bubba and Artie. He says he is stealing the show every night at Killers of Comedy. He is making $750-$1000. He does 10-15 minutes on the stage, people go crazy afterwards and ask him about jabronies. Sheik has brought autographs which Howard doesn't really care about. Howard talks about Hulk Hogan disrespecting Sheiky. Sheiky says Howard is right and that he was the champ before him. He said that Hogan kissed his ass, but never helped him out. He talks about Hogan backstabbing him after that convention in NJ. He said Hogan lied to him twice. Howard brings up that Sheik did say in a clip that he wanted to fuck the whole Hogan family and that is gay. Sheik says he is misunderstood. Sheik says that is cheap heat and says it must be someone else. He says he is a family man and that he has a good friendship with his wife and daughter. He says he doesn't like Hogan and says something was wrong with his mind. Sheik is very upset and says he would fuck Hogan, not his family, but in a different way using wrestling moves. He says it is cheap heat. He says it is gay, but he would fuck his ass with a beer bottle. He says that the beer bottle way would be not gay. He keeps bringing up Islam. He says he is not like Michael Jackson or Elton John. Sheik is breathing REALLY heavily. He says Vince doesn't decide who wins. Howard brings up Sheik's serious crack problem. Sheik says that he doesn't say no, but since he joined with Howard, he drinks beer, smokes cigarettes and a little bit of weed. The Killers of Comedy say that Sheik gets heavily searched at airports, but he said something about the Captain. Sheik is very mad and showing pictures and looking for what the Captain said about him but can't find it.

Howard wants him to sit down. He asks Sheik how does he convince them that he is not a terrorist. Sheik says he is not Osama or Ahmadinejad.